A Leeds mum has highlighted a “missing middle” in SEND education for academically able autistic children who struggle in mainstream settings.
Psychotherapist Nicola Hughes, from Pudsey, says families can face an incredibly difficult choice when a child is capable of achieving alongside their peers but unable to manage the size, noise and demands of a mainstream secondary school.
The issue is explored in Nicola’s new book, SENT: The Emails I Sent, the Silence That Followed, which draws on her personal experience of advocating for her autistic son.
There is a gap that I don’t think we talk about enough,” said Nicola.
“You can have an autistic child who is capable of achieving academically, but that doesn’t mean they are coping with the school environment.
“My son was working towards the expected academic levels, so there was nothing glaringly obvious to suggest he was struggling. But there were smaller signs of huge overwhelm that were being missed at school, and then he would come home and have a meltdown or spend hours worrying about the next day.
“At the same time, much of the specialist provision families are presented with is designed for children with very different learning needs.
“So where does that leave a child who has the potential to achieve alongside their peers, but finds a typical classroom of 30 children completely overwhelming? For some autistic children, even the everyday sounds and movements of a classroom can become too much.
Nicola describes the issue in SENT as “the gap nobody wants to talk about”, arguing that when suitable provision cannot be found, some autistic children can eventually become unable to attend school at all.
She believes the focus can then shift towards the child’s attendance rather than asking whether the educational environment itself is meeting their needs.
When that happens, families can find themselves fighting to prove that their child needs something different, without being able to point to an obvious alternative that actually fits, Nicola continued.
The issue forms part of the wider story Nicola tells in SENT, a book exploring Parent Carer Trauma and the hidden emotional toll of repeatedly fighting to have a child’s needs understood.
Part memoir, part guide and part survival companion, the book combines Nicola’s personal story with accessible insight into the SEND system and support for parents navigating similar experiences. The emails she sent, nearly sent and left unsent form a recurring thread throughout.
Nicola says what began as a straightforward conversation with her son’s school about his needs eventually developed into years of meetings, complaints, emails and preparations for a tribunal.
The pressure became so intense that she found herself struggling to breathe during a panic attack in her GP’s waiting room.
I never expected asking for support for my child to have such a serious impact on my own health,” said Nicola.
“I was trying to hold everything together while constantly rewriting emails, preparing for meetings and worrying about what the next response might bring.
“When I discovered the concept of Parent Carer Trauma, so much began to make sense. I wrote SENT because I wanted other parents to feel seen and to understand that they are not weak, difficult or failing. They are often responding to an incredibly stressful situation.
Nicola is careful to make clear that the book is not intended to attack individual teachers, schools or professionals.
Everyone featured has been anonymised, with Nicola referring to her son as “the boy” and professionals as “the profs”. Writing the book also became part of her own healing process, with Nicola repeatedly revisiting the manuscript and removing some of the anger to ensure its message remained compassionate and constructive.
This isn’t about blaming individual schools or teachers,” she said.
“It is about asking whether we have enough options for children whose needs don’t fit neatly into the boxes we have created.
“Parents do not want to spend years fighting systems. They want their child to have somewhere they can feel safe, be understood and receive an education that allows them to fulfil their potential.
Early readers have described SENT as deeply emotional, relatable and validating, with one parent saying the book made them feel “seen”.
Nicola added:
This is the book I needed when I was in the middle of it all. I hope it helps other families realise they are not alone, but I also hope it starts conversations about the children who are currently falling into that gap.
